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  • Writer's pictureKatologist

"She Is So Annoying"

Updated: May 25, 2018

When we like someone, we usually can't help thinking of them; they filled our mind and even our conversation with our friends. But did you realize that when you dislike someone, the effect is kind of the same? You can't help but to talk about how frustrated you are with this person. You can't help wondering why they behave the way they do; you just can't keep them off your mind.

The difference is that when you think of the person whom you like, it brings pleasant feelings; on the contrary, the person whom you dislike bring a lot of tension to your body, mind and heart; creating unpleasant feelings from the inside to the outside.

But isn't it ironic? That we allow the person whom we dislike to filled our mind and disrupt our daily life by constantly feeling dissatisfied with their behaviour and attitude; constantly wondering why they are like that? The person may have done the wrongdoing, the person may have been the one who has the attitude problem; but we are the one going through the punishment and suffering through constantly having them in our mind, in an unpleasant way!

The brain is very odd, it doesn't know what is good or what is bad; it doesn't know what is right or what is wrong; it only respond and grow based on what we have repeatedly instruct through our thoughts, words and emotions. In case no one tells you this: no matter how old you are, your brain continue to grow and develop; it is called Neuroplasticity. That means, if you have decided to learn how to play the piano at age 70, your brain will develop and grow in such a way that allows you to adopt this new skill. Yes, even at age 70; that's how amazing our brains are. The brain is like muscle, the more you use it, the more the neuron grows (just like the picture above); but if you don't use it, it deteriorates.

So the next time you find yourself can't help thinking about the person who frustrates you, remember you are growing a specific neurons just for him/ her, making it easier for you to think of all the unpleasant thoughts and feelings relating to him/ her . What's worse, it even makes it easier for you to spill over the feeling to someone who did not frustrate you because the neurons for frustration in the brain has already become so strong and dense.

Getting frustrated with someone doesn't change the person, it only changes YOU. It changes your brain neurons, it changes your physical body, your heart rhythm, your emotions and even thought process. But is it really worthy to let the wrong doing of others change you and over time damage your health and well being?

Perhaps we could try to understand and accept that everyone has flaws, including ourselves. If we can't be perfect, there is no need for us to hold so tightly of others misbehaviors. When the time come, when the person is ready, he/ she will change; by you holding him/ her in your mind, constantly wondering "why, why, why" do not create any changes to the person; it only changes YOU in an unhealthy way.

Focus to yourself, to your own journey; do not let others disrupt your body, mind and heart; it is not worthy because you really do not know what the person has gone through. Everyone has their story to tell, everyone has their journey to walk. Be kind to yourself, be kind to others; allow others to be and set yourself free.

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Since meeting you, I have come to the realization how neglectful I was with my brain. The brain controls everything in me from the beating of my heart to the movement of my hands when I eat, and I have taken for granted all this. When my brain came to a grinding halt in terms of managing psychological activities, I was desperately seeking for help. Finding none, I decided the easiest way is to destroy my physical body in hope of alleviating my psychological pain. You have taught me to see how my brain works and indeed there is a science behind all these which I wasn't even aware. It is amusing (perhaps amusing isn't the right word t…

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